Welcome To My Life.

Hello friends. I feel the need to update you guys on my life. Things have been quite interesting to say the least. Dave kicked my mom and I out of the house again. We started out staying with his mother, Sally for a couple of days. Technically. I only slept there one night. You see, my mother works at McDonald's, the over night shift. And, the nights were long and cold, and she would have had to walk back to Sally's house from work. Because, we had no vehicle. So, I went to work with her and stayed there over night, that way she didn't have to ensure that long walk my herself. The third night, I went to work with her, then we came back to Sally's, and I went to my grandmothers house because it was Christmas time. I stayed until Saturday the day after Christmas. When I came home, my mother and I went to a motel. We're there got a week. We have to get out in two days, with no where else to go. I have been spending the past, three days at my best friend Susan's house. And let me tell you, I am so thankful for that. Although, I don't like leaving my mother alone in the motel. But, we will be together again Tuesday. I don't know if any of you care about this stuff. But, this is my ranting time. Thank you for your time, I guess. Signing off, A Lively Word.

Happy Christmas.

Happy Christmas to everyone out there! I hope all of you are having a marvelous day.
Also, I would like to ask all of you to keep the many people who had lost their lives last Friday in the Sandy Hook shooting, in your prayers. Even if you don't pray, keep them in your hearts. Everyone deserves a Christmas wish.
Love you all. Signing off, A Lively Word.

My Apologies.

Hello my dear readers. I apologize for not posting as much lately. And I also apologize that lately, I have been posting a lot about my dysfunctional love life. Well, it is actually functional now. In case you were interested and all that. Anyhow, how're you people doing? I hope you are all well. I don't really have much of a topic to blog about right now. .-. I just figured I would give mt apologies for not blogging much. I will find some topics to blog about. And if you have any topics you would like me to talk about, let me know. :D Signing off, A Lively Word.

Please let me dream.

Have you ever had your heart ripped out, and then after everything was cooled over, you went back to said person, just to have your heart ripped out all over again? As much as I wish I hadn't, I did. The heart does crazy things when it's in love. I had my heart ripped out the first time back in July. And since then, we managed to maintain a great friendship. Then, all of the flirty stuff happened again. I got my hopes up all over again, just to get my heart riped out again. And I hate that I let myself endure that again. I really despise that. I wish I could tell her how much it hurts. I want to be able to just come out and say it. But she is probably the only person in the world that I can't be mean to, under any circumstances. No matter what. A while back, it was easy to be mean to her after all the things we went through the first time around in our friendship. But now that she means more to me than life itself, I can be nothing but nice to that girl. I want nothing more than for her to be happy. Whether it be with me, or without me. And clearly, it's without me. Which, if I might add, sucks. Since we had been talking to each other and saying that we like each other a lot, I have been happy. And, I have not been happy ina very long time. I happen to like that feeling. I havent been able to feel happy in a very long time. I was hoping that it was going to last this time around. I just, I feel stupid, y'know? I suppose I am doing nothing but rambling on. I apologize for that. I just want her to see how much she means to me. I've honestly never felt this much love for a person. And, I might have said that before. But, I was wrong all of those other times. I mean, if this was something I would be able to someday forget about, I would have done so already. But, I havent. And I dont think I ever will. But, I guess there is nothing I can do about that anymore. Im just, going to go now. I shall end my mindless banter. Signing off, A Lively Word.

Make It RIght.

What do you do when everything seems so right, but so wrong at the same time? Like, you can feel that it's right. Your heart races whenever you think about it. Those butterflies are so crazy that they aren't butterflies anymore. They're rabid bats. Your mind is so intent on this want, that you can't think of words to say. Your brain literally turns to mush and you're at loss of speech, when you need it the most. But, it's always on your mind. No matter where you are in the world, what you're doing, it's there. And, it's not going to change, for anything. But then you think, is that really such a bad thing? I mean, if you really do feel this way, if you really can't let it go, maybe it's supposed to be that way. Who knows? But, you're still left wondering. Is it right? Is it wrong? Will it all fall down? Will it all go up? You won't know until you try, right? But, you're scared. You're scared that if you commit to this, you're just going to ruin it all. Like you have the history of doing. But, past that, you believe this is really going to be different. Because, you've never actually felt this way before. You've had feelings similar, but never this strong. The right feeling. When, you smile at random points of the day because you're thinking of it. And again, rabid bats. They can't be classified as butterflies because the intensity of them is much too high. Every little thing reminds you of it. Of that person. Everything they do. Their confidence, the way they carry themselves, the way they smile or laugh. The way that they always have an open ear whenever you need it. No matter the time, or the place they're in. It's just, right, I believe. Right. The feelings are just so overwhelming. You find it hard to sleep at night because you're thinking too hard. Lying there, you find yoursef reliving every moment ever spent with them. Over viewing every conversation ever had with them. Just, them in general. It's gotta be right, if that's all you ever think about. All you ever wonder about. All you ever dream about. All of your wishes are about them. Just to be with them. To see if it's actually as right as you think it is. And, you really think that it is. But, you're not going to know until you take that leap. Take that chance. That's what it's all about. So, take it. Do it. Make it right. Signing off, A Lively Word.

Smile Victoria.

I rode the late bus today with Natalie. While sitting on the bus waiting at the middle school to leave, I noticed someone get on the bus. Someone that I knew. I couldn't quite put my finger on it at first but then realized that it was a young girl who lived down the road from me. I see her every morning. Struggling to find a seat because everyone on  my bus refuses to sit with her. Because, 'She is the girl with lice' and, 'She is so gross.' And of course, I don't find any of that to be true. I see her the same way I see everyother student who had just started Middle School; a tad skidish and shy. So, she got on the bus and sat in the seat front diagnol from Natalie and I. It started as any other bus ride with Natalie. Just talking, singing, looking at pictutes. All that fun stuff. I had complained that I was hungry, and then remembered that I had stolen some of Caitlin's generic thin mints from her lunch today. So, I took those out, took one for myself and gave one to Natalie. As soon as I handed one to Natalie and stated that there was four of them, two for the each of us, the young girl, Victoria, schooched hurridly to the end of the seat and asked if she could have one. I was not reluctent at all to give her one of my cookies. She took it and schooched hurrdily back into the seat. That made me feel a tad bad for her. The sense of her not having much in her life. So she consumed it before anyone could take it back. Natalie and I continued to talk and sing some more, and Victoria was playing with some paper. Which, with what she was doing, Natalie and I found it quite adorable. She was holding the piece of paper to her mouth, and was humming into it. She was quite amused with the small vibrating the paper, and her humming had produced. And honestly, so were Natalie and I. She continued for a little bit and Natalie made a bit of small talk to her. Well, after a little while longer of riding the bus, Victoria had layed down on the seat so she was facing the back of the bus. She was saying hello to another kid, who was completely ignoring her. Which I found to be quite rude. I mean, she was just saying hello. I don't see the harm in returning the favor. While I was waiting for a hello to make its way from the back of the bus, I noticed some other things being said. Things that I did not appriciate at all. The students in the back of the bus were making funof her. I can't remember exacty what was being said. But I do recall another girl saying that she hated Victoria. The reason why? I have no idea. But either way, it was just plain mean. Another thing that was quite mean, and made me feel terrible because I had no idea what to do about it was, when a kid from the back of the bus had gotten off, he walked past her and hit her in the face with his bag. I honestly don't know if it was intentional, but since he was one of the ones making fun of her, I had assumed it was. Natalie and I had asked her if she was okay. She said that it hurt. Which of course, made us a tad bit ehh. But, Natalie and I managed to make a bit more of small talk with her until Natalie had gotten off the bus. By the time that she had, Victoria was asleep. She had been saying something about her having a headache. So, she layed down and fell asleep. Before I got off the bus, she had waken up, seeing as how she got off after me. She asked me where I lived before we got there and I pointed to my house. She didn't realize that I had lived so close to her. She said, "If you live so close, how come you don't ride my bis in the morning?" I replied with, "I do." She said, "I've never seen you before." I said, "Well, you will tomorrow. I will make sure of it." I smiled at her and she smiled back, and I had gotten off. Now, I don't know what she has been through in her life, but if it has been filled with things like what happened on the bus, I feel terrible. I know there was nothing I could have done to help before, because I had just met her today. But, I know I can try to do something about it now. Having seen her smile today because I basically promised that I would make myself noticable to her tomorrow, made me feel great. I hope I can do that more often. I don't know what phases kids to make fun of others kids because they may be less fortunate than them. But, I wish it would stop. I don't think anyone should have to go through with being bullied in anyway. It's just wrong. Well, I suppose I am done with my banter. Time to do some homeowrk and such. And I look forward to riding the bus tomorrow. Signing off, A Lively Word.

You're Nothing Short Of My Everything..

So, last night was probably the worst night I have had in a very long time. Natalie and I broke up after fighting for three hours. That wasn't exactly how I expected my night to end. And it didn't exactly hit me until I was laying in bed, falling asleep on my own. As opposed to staying on Skype with her for the night. And sometimes even being lucky enough to see her in the morning. Not too often did that happen because her alarm that she sets for like, 5 in the morning turns it off. Oh how that bugged me, But it was okay. So, I have known Natalie for almost three years now. It will be three years on December 16th. About three years of total craziness. Complete and total chaos. I met her, we were friends, then best friends, then way more than best friends. We told each other that we liked each other on Valentines Day 2011. Within that time, we have managed to ruin a friendship by making a stupid decision, we have managed to dislike each other for a amount of time, then like each other, then dislike, and it went on for a while. Then we bacame friends again, and stayed that way for a while. Then, we decided to take it to the next step after flirting with each other for a while. We started dating, then we broke up. I think the main cause for tha was because she nor I were completely ready. We did end up getting back together. September 6th, 2012, the day before our junior year started. We have been together since last night. But, within the time we were together, I managed to realize that she was all I ever wanted. Still is actually. In the beginning, honestly it was a bit hard for me to picture myself having a future with her. But, its hard for me to picture my future in general. But, now I can. We haven't even been broken up for 24 hours yet, and it's enough for me. It's opened my eyes. It's obviosuly normal to think about the person you love a lot, after you break up. But this is different. I can't, nor will I ever stop thinkning about her. I have an endless choice of people that I know of that I could be with. But, I don't want anyone else but her. We bicker, a lot. We have our complete emotionless moments, but we make up for it. There are moments when I want to scream and yell at her. Smack her up a little bit. Walk away and never look back. She makes me want to rip my hair out, most of the time. She makes me so upset sometimes I could stangle her. Oh my God she irriatates me. But damn, I have no idea what I would do without her. She makes my world go 'round. She makes me happy, and I don't get to feel that often. But she manages to make me feel good about myself. Even if I don't show it often. I know I don't. But she does. I'm rambling. I have no idea what to say. I'm trying to talk about my feelings, but I'm just rambling. I just know I can't live any amount of time without her by my side. And just some normal friendship isn't nearly good enough for me. At all. I just, I don't know what to do. I don't want to live with a relationship that is full of bickering. Well, if it is a relationship with her, I can deal with it. Ugh. I'm just stupid. I am going to shut up now. Signing off, A Lively Word.

And that is all.

I'm a teenager. What is going on? I deserve to be happy, right? A happy relationship. What is this? I have nothing more to say. Signing off, A Lively Word.

The Truth Always Hurts

Have you ever loved someone so much you hated them? Or hated someone so much you loved them? Or maybe you just have a mutual love and hate feeling for them? That's what I feel for Dave. My mom's boyfriend, as you know if you read my previous blog. When it comes to Dave, it's both hard and easy to love or hate him. After everything he has put me through, from, taking away my oppurtunity to see my family, to, taking away almost every chance I have ever had of being happy. He has still been there for me for a large portion of my life. Half of the time, he made a better father than my actual father ever was. As of about, four or five months ago, he was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes. He has managed to maintain his blood sugar pretty well. Of course he has his moments where his blood sugar is too high or too low. But, he has been able to handle it. With the diabetes, my mother and I have noticed a slight difference in him. Obviously. He has settled down with his anger a bit. But, he still has his  moments. But, anyways, he went to the doctors the other day for blood work. He got a call from the doctors office today. They told him to come in on the 29th. Three weks away from today. That was the soonest they could get him in. Well, I guess there is something wrong. Something not good at all. They won't tell him on the phone. I guess they want to speak with him in person. Well, this has obviously gotten him, my mother and I worried. I mean, why wouldn't it. I had one of those moments today. The one where, when you hear some bad news about someone that is important to you, and then suddenly, every single moment that you have ever had with that person, flashes before you. All of the good times, and all of the bad times. And you sit there, and suddenly, all of those times mean so much more to you then they ever did before. Somehow, even the bad times mean so much to you. I remember almost everything in my childhood. I don't know how I do it. But I do. I remember when my mom first brought Dave over to my house. All of the times we would all sit in the kitchen cooking dinner, waiting for him to get home. All of the times we had to move to different places. The time, when I had some trouble going on down in the city when I lived there. And I remember thinking that day, that I wished Dave was there with me, because I knew that he would be able to protect me. All of the holidays that we all spent together. One of my facorite memories was on Christmas 7 years ago. My mom had been saying for so long that she didn't want a dog. But, Dave was late coming to my grandmothers house and no one knew why excpet for my grandmother. Well, what had happened was, he went a bought a dog. He brought him into the house and my mother flipped. So bad. It was so funny. But, she obviously got used to it, seeing as how we still have the dog. I gotta say, even through all of the times I wished my mom had never met Dave. He is still one of the most important people in my life. I know that, no matter how many times he's yelled at me and kicked me out of this house, or told me that he didn't like us kids, or anything like that, he would always be there for me. If I ever actually needed something, he would help me get it. He's like my dad. And, I couldn't stand to see him leave. As much as I hate to admitt it, I do love him. Well, I suppose I should go. Signing off, A Lively Word.

What if, you were the ice breaker?

I just want to let you all know, depression is not a game. I know this is a tad random, but still. For all of those people out there who find it funny to pick on kids who are depressed, you need to stop. Depression is a real battle for the people that have to go through it. When you pick on someone who endures this, you're actually making it a considerable amount worse. For people who battle this, it could either be just depression, or it could get bad enough to be suicidal. And when you pick on the ones that have gotten to the stage of suicide, imagine what you are doing to them. Consider this, when a person becomes suicidal, it is hard for them to hear anything out of hatred. Especially if it's directed towards them. Now, all mean words hurt anybody you say them too. But to these people especially, it hurts more. People usually become suicidal when they have been through so much bad in their life, that they don't see the need to continue on with it.  Now, imagine if you walk up to someone, who you know battles with these everyday thoughts, and you call them some rude name, or mock what they do, whatever it may be. What if they had finally been clean of harming themselves for a while, and were very proud of themselves. But, it wouldn't take much to break them. And your words were it. What if, after what you said to them, they went home and they did something unexplainable? What if, they ended their life? Could you really imagine that? The guilt you would feel if you actually did happen to have a heart in the first place? You would have to walk around everyday, with everyone knowing that you were the reason. You'd get those hateful stares, and those terrible glares. They burn you from the outside in. Then, not only that, you have to live with this guilt every single day for the rest of your life. I can bet, you will think about it every single night before your head hits the pillow. Now, I am not saying it is completely your fault, because it was also all of the other things that they were going through that led to it as well. You were just the ice breaker. Now, I don't know about you, but I wouldn't want to live like that. I suppose the actual reason of this entry is to get the point across that bullying is not okay. Not physically, or emotionally. It's just not right. In no way shape or form. What if you had to go through that every single day? What if, you were the one that got so sick of life that you were just done with it? I don't think you would like it either. It's just something for you to ponder. Until next time. Signing off, A Lively Word.

You have to pull through.

So, last night was probably the worst night ever for me. A bit of backround on this topic before I jump right into it. My mom and dad split up when I was about 2 or 3. And got divorced when I was 5ish. My mom has been with this other guy, Dave for 11 years, since I was 6 years of age. Now, this is not going to be just some random blog where I complain about my mom's boyfriend. I have my reasons. So, growing up, I noticed some violence in him. Towards not only me, but my brother, sister and my mother as well. I've been through a lot since he has been in my life. I've moved quite a few times to different places. Not complaining too much. Things got so bad at one point that I was out into foster care for a while. Well, a year and two days to be exact. But sister was placed about a year before that and my brother was placed with me. Well, needless to say, we all grew apart a bit more than I would like. My brother is now in a group home in Rochester and my sister is living with her boyfriend. And I am living with my mom and her boyfriend. And let me tell you, that is quite rough. I have been staying here since July 3rd of this year. Not long, I know. But, I have also been spending the past two years jumping back and forth between friends homes because I couldn't stay home. Y'see, my mom is independant for the most part, but she cant really control Dave. His rule is, if he pays the bills, he has the right to kick any of us out of the house when he wants. So that's that. So yeah. A different part of my backround that adds to this. I have been self harming for a little over four years now. And I am sure that the people who do read this, will probably read my words differently. Worse or better? I don't know. But whatever. Again, this is my blog and I have a freedom of speech. So, Dave and I basically fight a lot because he is a total douche bag. He decides to yell at me if my room is not cleaned properly. Which I do understand to a certain extent of course. Because with him, instead of asking me to clean my room , he yells at me and calls me all kinds of names. And so on. So, last night he took my cat and put her outside and told me I wasn't allowed to have her back. Then, he came in my room and told me it was a mess. But in fact, it wasn't. I had just cleaned it like, two days ago. And it was clean. As clean as I could get it. Because I have to work around the stuff of his that he decides to store in my room. My room is simply a closet. But he continued to yell at me and called me a pig. And said that I never did anything around the house and such. Given my past of self harm, I have to say that I am quite proud of myself for only harming myself twice in the past 9 months. But, with poeple who have lived off of doing things for so long, it's so hard not to do it. Y'know? And for everyone, you can only take so much before you break. Last night was my breaking point. Dave kept yelling at me and my mother was not doing too much about it. Well, becasue she really couldn't. So, I was in my room and then I stormed out of my room, and screamed that I was going to kill myself, grabbed a knife and went to my room, closed the doors and sat up against the other door in my room. Just to hear Dave yell about how he was glad that I was making the decision to kill myself, that no one would care and so on. And he kept telling me to do it. Of course, I was considering it. My mom came into the room and tried to talk me out of it, but I wasn't allowing her to do so. I just, didn't want a reason to not do it. And fyi, I have never self harmed or anything to the effect just for attention. People with real reasons, aren't doing it for attention. I never have, and never will. But anyways, I eventally cooled down with the help of no one at the point. I put the knofe down, but did not let my mom take it. I still have it in my room actually. I really wanted to do it. Because I am so sick of having to live a life where I am afraid to live in my own home. Or, the fact that I am not allowed to see my family. I am basiclly just sick of it all. Well, I did end up calling Natalie, Jessica, Kaylee and Amanda on Oovoo so I had someone to talk to. And who better to talk to then your four closest friends in the world when you need saving? I guess the idea of this is to, 1) Get my voice heard and 2) Raise some suicide awareness. Because, there are a lot of people out there with problems similar to my own. People who need help, but won't admit to it. But, you have to be able to see through them. And people who do have stories like this, I am here to speak with if you ever do need help. I obviously have been through enough to be able to try and help. I have been through a lot more than what I have described in this blog. But I suppose I will leave off here. Until next time. Signing off, A Lively Word.

Not A Drive By.

You want to know what hurts? When someone tells you they like you and such, and you like them as well, and they say, 'I think we should try this. I want to see what it's like.' Honestly, that's kind of a slap in the face, y'know? It kind of feels like it's just some test run. Which, in a way it is. But, it basically means that they just want to try. They don't want anything serious. I think they basically just want you so you can fill the void of lonliness they've had for a while. More or less, it makes you feel used. Like, you're just there to grab some attention. Because, obviously, they won't get it any other way. It feels terrible. When I get into a relationship, I want an actual relationship. One that I expect to last for a while. Admitted, people who know me, may not believe that. Because I have made mistakes in my past. But still. A relationship, is a relationship. But, maybe people don't view these things the way I do. But, it is my blog after all. Well, I suppose I am going to leave on that note. I have nothing more to say on this, technically. Until next time. Signing off, A Lively Word.

Life is relentless..

Well, another day that I spent home because I am sick. Also, I know of I went to school, I wouldn't be able to focus right. There is too much going on in my life right now. I don't mean to sound like a drama queen, but right now, my life literally seems to be falling apart. Well, referring to family, the rest of it is pretty good. It's just, a lot of my family is sick. I have already told you about my grandmother's illness. Well, I didn't go see her in the hospital because she is home for right now. Which means she must be doing a little better than she was. But she is no where near healthy yet. I talked to my brother on the phone, which is how I found this out, and he also told me that my grandfather has prostate cancer. He has 44 doctor's appointments set up for within the next 2 months. Well, obviously that hit me pretty bad. Last night, I was on FaceTime with Natalie and my mom had gotten home. I was actually in a semi good mood. Given the sickness and other circumstances. Well, I was sitting on the couch next to my mom and she handed me her phone and told me to look at the text messages betwen her and her sister. Well, they said that my other grandfather, their dad, has doctor's appointments set up for prostate cancer as well. And that, their uncle, my great uncle Chuck has about 4 months to live. So, again, that also hit me pretty bad. So, yes, I am glad that I didn't attend school today because I would have been too broken up to do anything. Well, I suppose I have nothing more to say. I guess I just wanted to keep you people updated on the current suckyness of this crazy thing I call my life. Signing off, A Lively Word

Thank them

I must say, way too many people have been taking life for granted lately. I mean, if you have something in your possesion, whether it be physically, emotionally or spirtually, you hold on to that. And you should not ask for more. For example, if your in a relationship with someone you know you love an you may possibly be in love with, you really should do eveything you can to fight for that relationship. Especially if you have been through hell and back with said person. If you are able to, as said before, go to hell and back for said person, and still be totally in love with them, and them with you, than I am guessing it is still possible for you to keep fighting for this relationship. I have heard that, when you are in a relationship with someone you really love, all of their flaws turn into perfection. Now, I do believe that to a certain extent, but obviously not completely. Yes, everyone has flaws. Yes, when you are in love with them, it's easy to see past them. But, it is also hard to not see some of them. But, that doesn't make them any less of a person than you are. Because you also have flaws. But anyways, as I have said previously, when in a relationship, don't take them for granted. Because, you never know how they will react if you do so all the time. I'm sure. to a cetain extent of course, it will be easy for them to walk away from you if you don't learn appreciate all of the little things. It takes a lot of effort to find something just right to please someone. And when someone you love goes through that, just to make you happier than you already may be, thank them. That's all they really want. Trust me. Signing off, A Lively Word.

It's hard to forget someone who gave you so much to remember.

Ever have that feeling when your heart drops? Like, you literaly have no feeling in your body, and it feels like your heart has just stopped beating? Yeah. I had that today. My mom walked into my room, while I was in the best mood ever seeing as how I was spending a good bit of the day with Natalie, to tell me that tomorrow we would be taking a trip to the hospital. Why you ask? Well, because I need to go see my grandmother who is not doing well at all. Literally, at all. She has lung cancer, heart problems, a brain tumor, and to top it all off, she has double pneumonia. So, I have been not all that happy about things today. It's going to be really hard walking into that hospital room and seeing her laying in that bed. I don't even think I will be able to cope. I remember when I used to go over to her house all the time when I was little. I would always hide behind my stepmom when she was there too because I was afraid of her dog. Or, the day it was my dad, sister, brother and I, and we were out back because we were having a bbq, and us kids were all playing on the play set. Well, Grampy, as we call him, brought a hoolahoop outside and was throwing it up in the air because it fasinated us kids. Well, needless to say, he ended up getting it stuck in a tree. We sat there for I don't even know how long, watching him try and get it. I was also so fasinated my their fishtank. One of my all time favorite memories though, is when they bought me my first keyboard. I may have been about 7 or so, but that's when I knew I wanted to play music. I wanted to impress people with my music. I have come a way with  my music, but I don't think I am close to good enough to impress anyone yet. But I will get there. Well, as I am sure you would all like to hear about my 'success', I must go. I have decided to write a song, in honor of Grammy. So, I need to get working on it. Farewell my fellow people. Signing off, A Lively Word.

Stay True

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to start over? To, be able to take back all of the bad things, and replace them with new things? I know I have. I mean, it's one thing to make a mistake, or maybe a few mistakes. But to make so many mistakes that you can't even keep track of them anymore, that's something that would feel great to forget. No matter how hard you try and make up for all of these mistakes, nothing ever seems god enough. If you made a mistake with a lover, and you could literally put the entire world in their hands, I bet they still wouldnt forgive you. And I understand the whole, 'Forgive but never forget' concept. I have never asked a person that I have made a mistake with to forget, just to forgive. And honestly, if they couldn't fully forgive me, I was okay with that. Even if I wasn't, it's not like I would have too much of a choice anyways. But, for someone to not even try to forgive you, and for them to turn their nose up to you, that's a different story. Okay, so I have made some mistakes, but hasn't everyone? It's a human thing to do. Some mistakes are worse than others, but that doesn't make me any less of a person for doing so. At least I don't think so. But, you know what, I could be wrong. But, who says I have to be right all the time? Because, I sure don't. I honestly think it is a bit conceded to think that you're always right. But, anyways, that is not the point. So, as much as I wish I could turn back time and erase all of the bad things I wish never happened, I know I can't. And honestly, in the same sense, I am glad that I can't. Because, if you think about it, mistakes make you who you are. No matter how much you screw up in someone elses eyes, or your own, you're just building yourself up into who you really are. So yes, sometimes you will make mistakes and some might seem earth shattering at the time, but they aren't. Eventually everything will be okay. It takes time, but in the end, everything is okay. Stay true guys. Signing off, A Lively Word.

Think of the future.

So, today was a stay at home kind of day. I have been feeling a little under the weather lately, so I layed in bed all day. But, I am now typing and watching Awkward. So, I realized today how much I actually would be lost without school on the weekdays. Sitting at home alone all day with no one to talk to in person but your dog, is not really what most people would call fun. It's different over the summer because you could make plans with someone whenever you want. So, I decided to be the annoying kid who texts everybody while they are in school and distract them from their learning by complaining about my bordem. Eh, it happens. So, anyways, I have realized that this new school year has not started the way I would have liked it to. I mean, it hasnt been too bad. It's basically, I have seen too much of a person I am not too fond of seeing anymore. It's that awkward moment when you spend the summer falling in love with some new person, and you tell yourself, 'This is going to change everything. I can finally be happy with this person instead of that other person who left you. I will finally be over them.' You tell yourself that a hundred times until you believe it. Then, on the first day of school, you walk in the front doors with so much confidence, and then, BAM! There they are. And your brain quickly changes it's mind. You're no longer over them, in fact, you wish you were still with them. But, you're not. You're in a new relationship of your own, and they have seemed to move on, so why do you continue to torture yourself? Because you're stupid. You gave 11 months of your life to said person, and without thinking about it, would give anything to have it have it back. But, you have to try and force yourself not to think about it. No matter how hard it is. Not only for your current signifcant other, but for yourself. Whats the point in living your life in regret. You have to realize that somethings don't last forever. You can't live in the past forever. I guess the moral of this entry is, don't torture yourself over what you once had. You have to think about the better things that are now right in front of you. Obviously if the person you once shared your life with just turns around and leaves you for some other person, they weren't worth your time. So, it is now time to move on and make yourself happy. No matter how hard that may be, you have to work for it. Because, there is no point in living in the past, when you have so much to look forward to in the future. Its worth the fight, at least I think so. And remember, if you need someone to talk to, I will be here to help. :) Signing off, A Lively Word.

Don't really know what to talk about. :P

Hey guys. :) So, I am kind of new to this, I have never really blogged before. So, I figured, why not start now? So, I assume I should tell you a little bit about myself to start with. My name is not actually Honeydew believe it or not. My name is Crystal Labonoski. I actually prefer the last name Storm. Labonoski is much too complicated. I am 16 years of age, and soon will be 17 on November 26th. Tis upcoming and I am honestly not too excited. I find birthdays to be quite repulsive. I dislike getting older. It scares the hell out of me especially being so close to the age of being on my own. But, I suppose my ranting on my age isn't really the aspect of this blog. Anyways, I am a junior in high school, almost finished. I have always said how I couldn't wait for my high school years to be over, but I know as soon as it nears the end of my senior year, I will cry an actual river. Only refering to the song a tad. So again, anyways, I try to get involved in school as much as I can. I was currently in the drama club to perform in the upcoming school play, Alomost, Main. But, given my past in, not so great academic school years, I decided it was best that I dropped the play and focus more on actual school. No matter how afraid I am of walking that stage, I much prefer that I get there someday, and with acceptable grades. I am also in Battle of the Books. Basically all you do is get a team of three people together and get a list of books, after reading all of them you battle(A person asks you a bunch of highly detailed questions about a book and you have to quess which book it is. And answer with the name of the book and the author) against as many other teams as there are. My sophmore year, my team won the district battle and got second place in the county battle. This year, I am determined to win both. So, obviously, I love to read. A lot. As a matter of fact, my last trip to Barnes and Noble, I recieved 21 books. And I am sure some people will give me silly looks for not getting a Nook or a Kindle because the books are cheaper to read on an electronic. But, I couldn't do that. I simply love the smell of books and the sound of actual pages turning to let them go. fygb <-- That was a sneeze. I apologize for that. And I honestly did not feel like hitting the backspace key. Hmm. I wonder what Fygb could stand for. Fat Yelling Gerbil Bastards? I don't know. To continue, I honestly spend 95% of my time on the internet. I feel a tad obsessed, but I know I am not. I can go without it whenever I please, I just choose not to, you know? I spend a lot of my time with my group of friends. Jessica, Kaylee, Amanda and Natalie. We call ourselves Logaif. Also a word caused my slight sneezing attack while trying to type 'Lol'. It was quite interesting, I can tell you that much. I met Natalie, Jessica and Amanda three years ago when I first moved to this place we all call Central Square, New York. We have all been through quite a bit of things in that time. Something quite unexplainable. Which I am sure I will let you all know what those things are in blogs to come. I also have my very best friend, Caitlin. We decided we would be friends forever when we realized we had the same middle name and birthday. And, my other very best friend, Rachel. We have also been through a lot, but also a lot of very unforgettble times. I have another group of friends, them being Kristina, Susan and John. And then Heather, she could basically fit in all of the group if she wanted to. I play music. I love music. I play the flute and guitar and have been working on learning the ever so lovely piano. I also love to write. I have been writing poetry since I was about 7. Although, at that age, I wouldn't exactly say any of it made sense. But it does now. I also like to write short stories. And Rachel and I have actually been working on writing an actual book together. Not telling you what its about yet. I know this seems like a really long blog, but it really doesnt explain myself fully. And, I know a lot of people won't read this, I'm not even completely sure why I am writing this. I just felt like there needed to be another way to get myself out there. To make people understand me. Because, 99% of the time, it feels like I am screaming and there is not a single person out there that can hear me. Even if I am standing in a room full of people. So, anyways. I guess, if I actually do get people to follow my blog, I will eventually tell you all of the things that I did not put into this entry. For the sake of time, and, I am sure whoever is reading this, is getting tired of reading,  I shall end this here. So, I hope I can get people to read this. I will probably update my blog once a week or so. So, thank you to all who have read this, if any. Signing off, A Lively Word.