You're Nothing Short Of My Everything..

So, last night was probably the worst night I have had in a very long time. Natalie and I broke up after fighting for three hours. That wasn't exactly how I expected my night to end. And it didn't exactly hit me until I was laying in bed, falling asleep on my own. As opposed to staying on Skype with her for the night. And sometimes even being lucky enough to see her in the morning. Not too often did that happen because her alarm that she sets for like, 5 in the morning turns it off. Oh how that bugged me, But it was okay. So, I have known Natalie for almost three years now. It will be three years on December 16th. About three years of total craziness. Complete and total chaos. I met her, we were friends, then best friends, then way more than best friends. We told each other that we liked each other on Valentines Day 2011. Within that time, we have managed to ruin a friendship by making a stupid decision, we have managed to dislike each other for a amount of time, then like each other, then dislike, and it went on for a while. Then we bacame friends again, and stayed that way for a while. Then, we decided to take it to the next step after flirting with each other for a while. We started dating, then we broke up. I think the main cause for tha was because she nor I were completely ready. We did end up getting back together. September 6th, 2012, the day before our junior year started. We have been together since last night. But, within the time we were together, I managed to realize that she was all I ever wanted. Still is actually. In the beginning, honestly it was a bit hard for me to picture myself having a future with her. But, its hard for me to picture my future in general. But, now I can. We haven't even been broken up for 24 hours yet, and it's enough for me. It's opened my eyes. It's obviosuly normal to think about the person you love a lot, after you break up. But this is different. I can't, nor will I ever stop thinkning about her. I have an endless choice of people that I know of that I could be with. But, I don't want anyone else but her. We bicker, a lot. We have our complete emotionless moments, but we make up for it. There are moments when I want to scream and yell at her. Smack her up a little bit. Walk away and never look back. She makes me want to rip my hair out, most of the time. She makes me so upset sometimes I could stangle her. Oh my God she irriatates me. But damn, I have no idea what I would do without her. She makes my world go 'round. She makes me happy, and I don't get to feel that often. But she manages to make me feel good about myself. Even if I don't show it often. I know I don't. But she does. I'm rambling. I have no idea what to say. I'm trying to talk about my feelings, but I'm just rambling. I just know I can't live any amount of time without her by my side. And just some normal friendship isn't nearly good enough for me. At all. I just, I don't know what to do. I don't want to live with a relationship that is full of bickering. Well, if it is a relationship with her, I can deal with it. Ugh. I'm just stupid. I am going to shut up now. Signing off, A Lively Word.