Please let me dream.

Have you ever had your heart ripped out, and then after everything was cooled over, you went back to said person, just to have your heart ripped out all over again? As much as I wish I hadn't, I did. The heart does crazy things when it's in love. I had my heart ripped out the first time back in July. And since then, we managed to maintain a great friendship. Then, all of the flirty stuff happened again. I got my hopes up all over again, just to get my heart riped out again. And I hate that I let myself endure that again. I really despise that. I wish I could tell her how much it hurts. I want to be able to just come out and say it. But she is probably the only person in the world that I can't be mean to, under any circumstances. No matter what. A while back, it was easy to be mean to her after all the things we went through the first time around in our friendship. But now that she means more to me than life itself, I can be nothing but nice to that girl. I want nothing more than for her to be happy. Whether it be with me, or without me. And clearly, it's without me. Which, if I might add, sucks. Since we had been talking to each other and saying that we like each other a lot, I have been happy. And, I have not been happy ina very long time. I happen to like that feeling. I havent been able to feel happy in a very long time. I was hoping that it was going to last this time around. I just, I feel stupid, y'know? I suppose I am doing nothing but rambling on. I apologize for that. I just want her to see how much she means to me. I've honestly never felt this much love for a person. And, I might have said that before. But, I was wrong all of those other times. I mean, if this was something I would be able to someday forget about, I would have done so already. But, I havent. And I dont think I ever will. But, I guess there is nothing I can do about that anymore. Im just, going to go now. I shall end my mindless banter. Signing off, A Lively Word.