Not A Drive By.

You want to know what hurts? When someone tells you they like you and such, and you like them as well, and they say, 'I think we should try this. I want to see what it's like.' Honestly, that's kind of a slap in the face, y'know? It kind of feels like it's just some test run. Which, in a way it is. But, it basically means that they just want to try. They don't want anything serious. I think they basically just want you so you can fill the void of lonliness they've had for a while. More or less, it makes you feel used. Like, you're just there to grab some attention. Because, obviously, they won't get it any other way. It feels terrible. When I get into a relationship, I want an actual relationship. One that I expect to last for a while. Admitted, people who know me, may not believe that. Because I have made mistakes in my past. But still. A relationship, is a relationship. But, maybe people don't view these things the way I do. But, it is my blog after all. Well, I suppose I am going to leave on that note. I have nothing more to say on this, technically. Until next time. Signing off, A Lively Word.

Life is relentless..

Well, another day that I spent home because I am sick. Also, I know of I went to school, I wouldn't be able to focus right. There is too much going on in my life right now. I don't mean to sound like a drama queen, but right now, my life literally seems to be falling apart. Well, referring to family, the rest of it is pretty good. It's just, a lot of my family is sick. I have already told you about my grandmother's illness. Well, I didn't go see her in the hospital because she is home for right now. Which means she must be doing a little better than she was. But she is no where near healthy yet. I talked to my brother on the phone, which is how I found this out, and he also told me that my grandfather has prostate cancer. He has 44 doctor's appointments set up for within the next 2 months. Well, obviously that hit me pretty bad. Last night, I was on FaceTime with Natalie and my mom had gotten home. I was actually in a semi good mood. Given the sickness and other circumstances. Well, I was sitting on the couch next to my mom and she handed me her phone and told me to look at the text messages betwen her and her sister. Well, they said that my other grandfather, their dad, has doctor's appointments set up for prostate cancer as well. And that, their uncle, my great uncle Chuck has about 4 months to live. So, again, that also hit me pretty bad. So, yes, I am glad that I didn't attend school today because I would have been too broken up to do anything. Well, I suppose I have nothing more to say. I guess I just wanted to keep you people updated on the current suckyness of this crazy thing I call my life. Signing off, A Lively Word

Thank them

I must say, way too many people have been taking life for granted lately. I mean, if you have something in your possesion, whether it be physically, emotionally or spirtually, you hold on to that. And you should not ask for more. For example, if your in a relationship with someone you know you love an you may possibly be in love with, you really should do eveything you can to fight for that relationship. Especially if you have been through hell and back with said person. If you are able to, as said before, go to hell and back for said person, and still be totally in love with them, and them with you, than I am guessing it is still possible for you to keep fighting for this relationship. I have heard that, when you are in a relationship with someone you really love, all of their flaws turn into perfection. Now, I do believe that to a certain extent, but obviously not completely. Yes, everyone has flaws. Yes, when you are in love with them, it's easy to see past them. But, it is also hard to not see some of them. But, that doesn't make them any less of a person than you are. Because you also have flaws. But anyways, as I have said previously, when in a relationship, don't take them for granted. Because, you never know how they will react if you do so all the time. I'm sure. to a cetain extent of course, it will be easy for them to walk away from you if you don't learn appreciate all of the little things. It takes a lot of effort to find something just right to please someone. And when someone you love goes through that, just to make you happier than you already may be, thank them. That's all they really want. Trust me. Signing off, A Lively Word.

It's hard to forget someone who gave you so much to remember.

Ever have that feeling when your heart drops? Like, you literaly have no feeling in your body, and it feels like your heart has just stopped beating? Yeah. I had that today. My mom walked into my room, while I was in the best mood ever seeing as how I was spending a good bit of the day with Natalie, to tell me that tomorrow we would be taking a trip to the hospital. Why you ask? Well, because I need to go see my grandmother who is not doing well at all. Literally, at all. She has lung cancer, heart problems, a brain tumor, and to top it all off, she has double pneumonia. So, I have been not all that happy about things today. It's going to be really hard walking into that hospital room and seeing her laying in that bed. I don't even think I will be able to cope. I remember when I used to go over to her house all the time when I was little. I would always hide behind my stepmom when she was there too because I was afraid of her dog. Or, the day it was my dad, sister, brother and I, and we were out back because we were having a bbq, and us kids were all playing on the play set. Well, Grampy, as we call him, brought a hoolahoop outside and was throwing it up in the air because it fasinated us kids. Well, needless to say, he ended up getting it stuck in a tree. We sat there for I don't even know how long, watching him try and get it. I was also so fasinated my their fishtank. One of my all time favorite memories though, is when they bought me my first keyboard. I may have been about 7 or so, but that's when I knew I wanted to play music. I wanted to impress people with my music. I have come a way with  my music, but I don't think I am close to good enough to impress anyone yet. But I will get there. Well, as I am sure you would all like to hear about my 'success', I must go. I have decided to write a song, in honor of Grammy. So, I need to get working on it. Farewell my fellow people. Signing off, A Lively Word.

Stay True

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to start over? To, be able to take back all of the bad things, and replace them with new things? I know I have. I mean, it's one thing to make a mistake, or maybe a few mistakes. But to make so many mistakes that you can't even keep track of them anymore, that's something that would feel great to forget. No matter how hard you try and make up for all of these mistakes, nothing ever seems god enough. If you made a mistake with a lover, and you could literally put the entire world in their hands, I bet they still wouldnt forgive you. And I understand the whole, 'Forgive but never forget' concept. I have never asked a person that I have made a mistake with to forget, just to forgive. And honestly, if they couldn't fully forgive me, I was okay with that. Even if I wasn't, it's not like I would have too much of a choice anyways. But, for someone to not even try to forgive you, and for them to turn their nose up to you, that's a different story. Okay, so I have made some mistakes, but hasn't everyone? It's a human thing to do. Some mistakes are worse than others, but that doesn't make me any less of a person for doing so. At least I don't think so. But, you know what, I could be wrong. But, who says I have to be right all the time? Because, I sure don't. I honestly think it is a bit conceded to think that you're always right. But, anyways, that is not the point. So, as much as I wish I could turn back time and erase all of the bad things I wish never happened, I know I can't. And honestly, in the same sense, I am glad that I can't. Because, if you think about it, mistakes make you who you are. No matter how much you screw up in someone elses eyes, or your own, you're just building yourself up into who you really are. So yes, sometimes you will make mistakes and some might seem earth shattering at the time, but they aren't. Eventually everything will be okay. It takes time, but in the end, everything is okay. Stay true guys. Signing off, A Lively Word.

Think of the future.

So, today was a stay at home kind of day. I have been feeling a little under the weather lately, so I layed in bed all day. But, I am now typing and watching Awkward. So, I realized today how much I actually would be lost without school on the weekdays. Sitting at home alone all day with no one to talk to in person but your dog, is not really what most people would call fun. It's different over the summer because you could make plans with someone whenever you want. So, I decided to be the annoying kid who texts everybody while they are in school and distract them from their learning by complaining about my bordem. Eh, it happens. So, anyways, I have realized that this new school year has not started the way I would have liked it to. I mean, it hasnt been too bad. It's basically, I have seen too much of a person I am not too fond of seeing anymore. It's that awkward moment when you spend the summer falling in love with some new person, and you tell yourself, 'This is going to change everything. I can finally be happy with this person instead of that other person who left you. I will finally be over them.' You tell yourself that a hundred times until you believe it. Then, on the first day of school, you walk in the front doors with so much confidence, and then, BAM! There they are. And your brain quickly changes it's mind. You're no longer over them, in fact, you wish you were still with them. But, you're not. You're in a new relationship of your own, and they have seemed to move on, so why do you continue to torture yourself? Because you're stupid. You gave 11 months of your life to said person, and without thinking about it, would give anything to have it have it back. But, you have to try and force yourself not to think about it. No matter how hard it is. Not only for your current signifcant other, but for yourself. Whats the point in living your life in regret. You have to realize that somethings don't last forever. You can't live in the past forever. I guess the moral of this entry is, don't torture yourself over what you once had. You have to think about the better things that are now right in front of you. Obviously if the person you once shared your life with just turns around and leaves you for some other person, they weren't worth your time. So, it is now time to move on and make yourself happy. No matter how hard that may be, you have to work for it. Because, there is no point in living in the past, when you have so much to look forward to in the future. Its worth the fight, at least I think so. And remember, if you need someone to talk to, I will be here to help. :) Signing off, A Lively Word.

Don't really know what to talk about. :P

Hey guys. :) So, I am kind of new to this, I have never really blogged before. So, I figured, why not start now? So, I assume I should tell you a little bit about myself to start with. My name is not actually Honeydew believe it or not. My name is Crystal Labonoski. I actually prefer the last name Storm. Labonoski is much too complicated. I am 16 years of age, and soon will be 17 on November 26th. Tis upcoming and I am honestly not too excited. I find birthdays to be quite repulsive. I dislike getting older. It scares the hell out of me especially being so close to the age of being on my own. But, I suppose my ranting on my age isn't really the aspect of this blog. Anyways, I am a junior in high school, almost finished. I have always said how I couldn't wait for my high school years to be over, but I know as soon as it nears the end of my senior year, I will cry an actual river. Only refering to the song a tad. So again, anyways, I try to get involved in school as much as I can. I was currently in the drama club to perform in the upcoming school play, Alomost, Main. But, given my past in, not so great academic school years, I decided it was best that I dropped the play and focus more on actual school. No matter how afraid I am of walking that stage, I much prefer that I get there someday, and with acceptable grades. I am also in Battle of the Books. Basically all you do is get a team of three people together and get a list of books, after reading all of them you battle(A person asks you a bunch of highly detailed questions about a book and you have to quess which book it is. And answer with the name of the book and the author) against as many other teams as there are. My sophmore year, my team won the district battle and got second place in the county battle. This year, I am determined to win both. So, obviously, I love to read. A lot. As a matter of fact, my last trip to Barnes and Noble, I recieved 21 books. And I am sure some people will give me silly looks for not getting a Nook or a Kindle because the books are cheaper to read on an electronic. But, I couldn't do that. I simply love the smell of books and the sound of actual pages turning to let them go. fygb <-- That was a sneeze. I apologize for that. And I honestly did not feel like hitting the backspace key. Hmm. I wonder what Fygb could stand for. Fat Yelling Gerbil Bastards? I don't know. To continue, I honestly spend 95% of my time on the internet. I feel a tad obsessed, but I know I am not. I can go without it whenever I please, I just choose not to, you know? I spend a lot of my time with my group of friends. Jessica, Kaylee, Amanda and Natalie. We call ourselves Logaif. Also a word caused my slight sneezing attack while trying to type 'Lol'. It was quite interesting, I can tell you that much. I met Natalie, Jessica and Amanda three years ago when I first moved to this place we all call Central Square, New York. We have all been through quite a bit of things in that time. Something quite unexplainable. Which I am sure I will let you all know what those things are in blogs to come. I also have my very best friend, Caitlin. We decided we would be friends forever when we realized we had the same middle name and birthday. And, my other very best friend, Rachel. We have also been through a lot, but also a lot of very unforgettble times. I have another group of friends, them being Kristina, Susan and John. And then Heather, she could basically fit in all of the group if she wanted to. I play music. I love music. I play the flute and guitar and have been working on learning the ever so lovely piano. I also love to write. I have been writing poetry since I was about 7. Although, at that age, I wouldn't exactly say any of it made sense. But it does now. I also like to write short stories. And Rachel and I have actually been working on writing an actual book together. Not telling you what its about yet. I know this seems like a really long blog, but it really doesnt explain myself fully. And, I know a lot of people won't read this, I'm not even completely sure why I am writing this. I just felt like there needed to be another way to get myself out there. To make people understand me. Because, 99% of the time, it feels like I am screaming and there is not a single person out there that can hear me. Even if I am standing in a room full of people. So, anyways. I guess, if I actually do get people to follow my blog, I will eventually tell you all of the things that I did not put into this entry. For the sake of time, and, I am sure whoever is reading this, is getting tired of reading,  I shall end this here. So, I hope I can get people to read this. I will probably update my blog once a week or so. So, thank you to all who have read this, if any. Signing off, A Lively Word.